I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Sorry my hands just texted you
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
