it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
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Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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