If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They took my balls.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
