so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
