the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
