I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
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BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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