I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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