mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
