I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
