the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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