i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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