What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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