Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
