I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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