I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
