i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
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So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
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My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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