jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
not ubering you a puppy
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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