I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
