the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
