I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
