dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
