I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
