WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
