He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
