Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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