Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
