Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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