just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
