I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
