He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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