my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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