Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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