Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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