I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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