The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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