I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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