Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
