Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
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We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
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This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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