At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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