my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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