I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
