Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
nutella sex= disaster
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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