Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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