On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
