Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
