so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
