Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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