I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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