This is not my ceiling
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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