Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
