I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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