This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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