doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
