stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
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