I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we're making bets on your personal life
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
