you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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