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So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
