I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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