gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
