At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My bed is full of blood and feathers
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
