i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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