just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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