dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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