I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
