You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
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