Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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