I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
