I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
