Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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