Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
