I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I skipped work to stalk him.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
