she was so not down for the gang bang
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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