you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
