Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
