I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
