i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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