Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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