someone threw a dead crab at me
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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