so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
