Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
