i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
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my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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