Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
