just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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