You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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